you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize