my sisters under your porch take her home
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
