I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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