Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
