why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
