her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
