What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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