He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
