i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
