What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
