and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
