just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
