You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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