I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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