morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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