____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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