At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
