Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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