Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
