That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
