so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
