I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
