One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You were trust falling into bushes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
