i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
