Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
