are you still at the devil's house?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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