so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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