I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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