this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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