We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
