We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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