Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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