If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize