Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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