she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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