And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
