At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
