I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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