One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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