hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
