i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
