I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
