Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
