Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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