I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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