stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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