Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
