Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
