I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
