Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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