She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
