We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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