Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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