ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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