The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
