party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
