After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
