you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
