she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize