My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
