i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
