So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
