I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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