so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize