DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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