you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
