no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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