I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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