Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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