So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
