is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
