My Higher Power is John Stamos
he shaved USA in his pubs
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
