i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
