I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
