we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
